Mumblr

I got engaged last Sunday to my sweetheart of almost 7 years. As I put on a plastic smile for the cameras and greeted every relative I don’t know so well, I got a funny feeling. Almost everybody tried to tell me in their own signature style about how marriages are a ‘life-altering’ event. Somebody mentioned that I would need to start being more social with family & friends, somebody said I cannot live in the same house after marriage and would need a better, bigger (read expensive) place. Some friends said I would need to regulate my lifestyle a bit (you know what I mean!). Some people were happy only for the simple reason that I would get a “tiffin” to work everyday and won’t have to unwillingly nibble at dosas & idlis. Some even went to the extent of saying that I would need to start dressing up more formally and start looking more like a ‘married’ man!! “ऐसे करो, वैसे मत करो!”

As I wondered about why people associate so much change with a marriage, I decided to take some cues from our movies. No better source to understand the Indian mental makeup. I recollected the zillion ‘love-story’ movies that our filmmakers have belted out (sometimes I get amazed at the fact that how many movies can people make with the same damn theme!! Hail Bollywood!). What is interesting is the portrail of our actors / actresses before and after marriage.

Before marriage, people are portrayed as very informal and easy-going (just like you and me). What is more interesting is the portrayal of women. Before marriage, actresses are seen in mainly Western clothes (can be skimpy as well and nobody minds!). They openly express their love, wear-whatever-do-whatever, seduce their men and live a blissful life. But, after marriage, the same characters put on a different skin. Marriage immediately brings an overdose of sobriety and maturity to them. Dressing changes from Western, casual & cool to traditional, formal & suave. The way of speaking becomes more restrained and formal. All of a sudden, society and family has a new meaning.

Exuberance, vibrance, fun, lack of inhibitions, free spirit - all become very minimalistic adjectives to describe married life.

The Indian society is pretty much the same, at least in the ways I have experienced in the traditional realities of a ‘modern’ India. The society expects you to change your mental makeup, attitude & values as you progress in your social life-cycle. Yes, social life-cycle and not the biological life-cyclical. Its contrary to logic, but personal change is not a function of age, but of whether you are in the prime of your जवानी (youth - as defined by one’s marital status) or a बाल बcचे वाला (married person, doesn’t matter if you don’t have kids).